How to Cope When Your Spouse is Depressed
Living with a depressed spouse can be extremely stressful for the partner and other family members. Communication is impacted, the couple s social life suffers, and feelings of satisfaction with the marriage decrease.
Here are fifteen ways to cope and keep your sanity and bearings when your spouse is depressed:
1. Know what you re dealing with. Don t just guess and speculate that your spouse may be depressed. Encourage him or her to have a comprehensive assessment to determine if depression is actually present, what the severity is, and the recommended treatment plan.
If medication is prescribed, know that your spouse will increase his (or her) chances for successful treatment if he also participates in weekly counseling
...symptoms. If your doctor cannot find any indication that a medical problem is causing your anxiety, he or she will probably refer you to a doctor who specializes in mental health. Mental health professionals have a great deal of training ...
2. Educate yourself about depression. Schedule a time to meet with your spouse s doctor or therapist to learn more about depression and how you can best be supportive of your mate. Read books, magazine articles, and information available on the Internet about depression.
3. Expand and strengthen your individual network of support from family and friends. You re going to need on-going support and encouragement, so resist the urge to try to carry the burden of your mate s depression silently on your shoulders by yourself.
Let your family and friends know how they can help you and let them know what challenges you are facing. The worst thing you can do is to isolate yourself
...their journey to recovery from bipolar disorder. Support groups for bipolar disorder are often not specifically for bipolar disorder, and usually designed for those who have any mood disorders, including bipolar disorder and clinical depression. If you need more information ...
4. Research support groups that are available in your community and on-line. Some communities will offer in-person support groups for depressed individuals as well as for their spouses and friends. If no such groups exist where you live, check out the on-line support groups that are available for you and your depressed partner.
One group, The Depression and Bi-Polar Support Alliance (DBSA), sponsors numerous in-person meetings and also provides an on-line support group for people with depression or bipolar disorder, as well as separate groups for friends and family members. You can check out their offerings at: http://www.dbsalliance.org/info/OnlineSupport.html
You can also find information and resources at Emotions Anonymous: http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/
Your spouse can find on-line support through Depressed Anonymous:
...chat rooms over forums is that the interaction between the members can be instantaneous. However, forums can offer a higher quality and quantity of responses to a particular question or concern. The websites are a source of valuable information about ...
5. Educate your children about depression so that they can better understand your spouse s behavior. Ask a librarian at your community library or your children s school for help in selecting appropriate books on depression and chronic parent illness.
If you re not sure what to tell them, consult with your children s physician and enlist his or her help or arrange for your children to talk to a counselor who can help them process their feelings.
6. Take the team approach toward managing your mate s depression and say, We re in this together we re a team!
You want your spouse to feel the energy and power of team support. Think in
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7. Learn to de-personalize your spouse s behavior. Remind yourself that your mate is ill and that s different from being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn or deliberately trying to make your life difficult.
Try to remember that your mate s perception, attitude, actions, patience, and stamina are being impacted in major ways by the depression. When people are depressed, they often blame everyone else for their problems and see only the negatives in daily life. This is about the depression not about you.
8. Work on developing more patience. Depression is
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It takes time for the treatment to be effective and for significant changes to be maintained. You can protest all you want, but you ll just make yourself more miserable until you accept that Life is presenting you with an opportunity to develop patience. The sooner you master this lesson, the less you ll suffer.
9. Encourage your spouse to get some exercise each day. You might take a walk together or go to the gym together. You could exercise to a video at home or put on some music and dance. Anything that gets your mate
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10. Don t try to talk your spouse out of his (or her) feelings. Trying to argue with him or convince him that he s wrong for feeling that way won t work. You ll just make him more resistant.
When people are depressed, they often say irrational things, such as I can t ever do anything right or No one cares about me. Acknowledge your mate s feelings and say something like, I m sorry you re feeling so bad. What might we do to help you feel better right now?
11. Take good care of yourself in
...you are suffering. If you re not ready to seek professional help, you may want to take small steps towards the self help goal. You can do this by researching self help techniques. Activities such as meditation and yoga teach ...
It s very challenging to be around negative, pessimistic, depressive energy without starting to feel the same way. The only antidote is to stay balanced and centered by practicing good self-care behavior and doing things to nurture yourself.
Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, stay in close contact with your friends, participate in activities that bring you pleasure, and keep your spiritual connection strong. Take time for yourself so that you can read, listen to music, meditate, and pray.
12. Laugh every day. Watch funny movies, share funny jokes, and look for the humor in the various
...the first step and make an appointment to see their doctor. The introduction of the internet over a decade ago may have thrown a lifeline to many panic attack sufferers. This lifeline is in the shape of support groups through ...
Enlist the help of your friends to provide you with funny stories and jokes that come their way through email or office talk. Try to find things to share things about your day that will make your spouse laugh. But even if he (or she) doesn t laugh, you ll feel better!
13. Read inspirational books or listen to inspirational audios or music that energizes and inspires you. Surround yourself with resources books, CD s, pictures that make you feel better and feed yourself with inspiration and positive thinking and positive feelings every day.
14.
...has caused. Encourage the manic depressive person to take some time for themselves to do something they enjoy. Taking a walk with the person can help provide exercise and social stimulation, which is often lacking. Many people with bipolar disorder ...
The fact that your spouse is depressed doesn t mean that you have failed in any way as a partner. You re not responsible for the depression and you can t fix it. You can, however, be supportive and encouraging and follow the recommendations your mate s doctor and/or therapist may make.
15. Get professional help for yourself if your feelings become overwhelming. It s normal to feel resentful and angry that your personal life and family life
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You may feel that the person you once knew is now gone and that you don t know who this depressed person is anymore. You may feel discouraged and despondent if time goes by and things aren t significantly better.
Caregiving and being the main one to keep everything going can be exhausting and overwhelming. Don t wait until you feel that you can t continue any longer. Make an appointment for individual counseling before you hit the wall.
In most cases, depression can be effectively treated 80% of depressed patients improve with treatment. But the process of recovery can be lengthy, so it s important to take
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Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner, available at http://www.ControllingSpouse.com She is also co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says I don’t love you anymore! which is available at [http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com]http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, as well as a free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Dr. Wasson offers telephone and email coaching to individuals and couples who want to overcome relationship problems and create a rewarding, loving partnership.